Window Into the Womb

I stumbled upon this amazing link today (well, rather, Larissa stumbled upon it subsequently followed by me stumbling upon her stumbling upon it) and was absolutely amazed. A photographer in the Netherlands has been taking pictures of newborn babies in the positions they were in when in the womb.

Apparently these very new babies can be coaxed back into their womb position quite easily, despite how uncomfortable it looks. Makes sense given that they were nice and cozy in there like that before they were pushed out into the cruel, cold world. And change is always so hard!

We have to go for yet another ultrasound next week as the bean is still quite small. I've managed to not be completely stressed out by it this time, my OB really does think she is fine, its just precautionary to make sure my belly is small because shes a smaller baby rather than a lack of fluid or anything else. So I'm trying to see it as an opportunity to peek in on my little girl. Now that I've seen these pictures, I'm even more excited about it. From what I saw (and was told) the last time, and based on what it feels like when she moves around (which is all the time, always, every second) I think she's likely in there like one of these babies:

I definitely don't think she's like this:

Or at least I hope not, that looks a bit uncomfortable. I also don't think she's like this one below, but how adorable is this pose with the baby's little tiny foot sticking out like that?

My favourite one of all though, has to be this one below. 

You can check out the interview with the photographer and a few more pics here: http://blogs.babycenter.com/mom_stories/photos-baby-fit-in-womb-08122014-newborn-photography-idea/

I would absolutely love to get a picture like this of our baby girl. I think its so fascinating. It would be cool to see if her preference for position in my belly relates to any of her preferences once shes on the outside. Like I wonder if the more pretzel-like yoga wombers like being swaddled more than the less bunched up babies...or I wonder if its telling of their personality at all (like this little guy above, he looks like he got pretty comfy so I wonder if maybe he'll be more relaxed and laid back as compared to the baby in the third picture who looks primed for action at any second and maybe would be more of an edgy baby?).

I think, though, that I'm probably so into this because its just another way to speculate about what our baby girl will be like. I guess I've learnt a lot about her already just by having her with me at every second of every day but there is still sooooo very much we don't know and I'm dying to find out every tiny detail.

Anyway maybe I'm just being a geek about all of this, what do you think? Is it as cool as I'm making it out to be in my head?

In other news, this past weekend was my second baby shower (I know, I'm incredibly spoiled, don't even get me started!). I just need to collect a few more pictures before I'll post about it. It was a great time though and turned out so beautifully, my mom did an incredible job (thanks mom!!!). I have to say though that the very best part was that for 3 days and nights I was under the same roof as 16 of my family members. It was indescribably amazing, I wish we could all be together like that more often.

Oh yeah and we are also moving this Sunday (move 1 of 2, this one will be from Toronto to my parent's house in Oakville for two weeks while we wait to become owners of our own house in Oakville). And I have my last day of work this Friday!!! Everything is so exciting lately I can hardly handle it! I'm counting my blessings every single day :)

~Our Anniversary~

Today was our fourth wedding anniversary. 

Four years!

 I can't believe how quickly the time has flown by.

I remember once while in the midst of wedding planning I asked my dad, "Does life get so boring when you get to be your age?" I was thinking of how exciting life was for me in that moment - picking out a dress, shoes, flowers, all the parties and celebrations that go along with an impending wedding - I could only imagine that life would be a slow decent into boredom from there. But to my surprise, dad laughed and told me that theres always exciting things happening in life, it never gets boring. 

I wasn't convinced though. 

I would imagine what it would be like to attend other people's weddings once ours was done and over with and assumed I would feel so sad and depressed. How could I NOT feel that way?! Getting married and having a wedding seemed like such an incredibly big deal at the time.

But it turns out that (as usual), Dad was right. It didn't take long, certainly not four years, for me to figure out that life after wedding is so very sweet.

Every year seems to get better and better. And every year I'm surprised where life has taken us. Each anniversary so far has felt special but this year, even more so. A baby on the way, a new house to settle into - I've never felt so married! It is absolutely wonderful. And best of all, so many of our friends are also in great places in life these days too. There is so much to celebrate. 

So while there was no elaborate, beautiful, overwhelmingly awesome party tonight as there was four years ago today, I don't envy my four years ago self one little bit. I can pretty safely say I feel happier today - tucked into bed at 11pm with my husband watching preseason football beside me, looking forward to a day at work at a job I love - than I was as a joyfully giddy bride this same day in 2010. 

...Although it would be pretty awesome to be wearing that dress right now ;)


(all pictures by the amazing Sarah Guy of Labour of Love Photography)

Bump in the Night (And Early Morning)

I had heard many, many, many times that sleep is hard to come by in pregnancy. But for me, up until this last month and a half or so, sleep has actually been awesome. In my first trimester I slept harder than I've ever slept in my entire life. I've always had difficulty falling asleep. As long as I can remember its taken me a good hour or so to make it happen. When I was a kid, I remember reading with a flashlight under my blankets to pass the time until sleep finally came to me. As a teenager I would grow more anxious with every passing song that I heard in full on the Top 10 at 10 on Kiss 98.5 knowing that it meant time was going by and I still wasn't asleep. But in February this year, it barely took my head hitting the pillow before I was out cold. It was amazing.

So that being said, I realize I have been incredibly lucky for quite awhile now. However, the tide has been turning and suddenly sleep is not so easy to come by any longer...

For one, I have to pee approximately every 10 minutes. I think I am staying in shape simply by the amount of walking I do to and from the bathroom nightly. And when I'm not up peeing, I'm dreaming about needing to. This does not make for a restful slumber.

And then theres the pain. It started in my upper thigh, only on one side; a problem simply solved by restricting my sleep to my left side only (stomach and back sleeping had already been ruled out due to not wanting to squish the baby or cut off its blood supply, respectively). But now its reached both sides, leading to LOTS of tossing and turning. Since I now also require at least one pillow between my knees and under my hanging belly, this involves quite a bit of rearranging, which takes some time to accomplish.

And now, as of this weekend, the pain has reached a new level. Last night I had such intense and long-lasting lower back pain that I actually wondered if I should alert somebody that I could possibly be in labour. Alas, propping myself up into a sitting position with three pillows did the trick. As such, it looks as if my prone position sleeping days may be behind me until baby girl gets here. Its actually not so bad comfort-wise, but it sure does make me feel like a complete weirdo...

Then this morning I guess the bean decided she had had quite enough sleep for one night because she was jumping and bouncing around in my belly like crazy (...I'm so tired I can't even both to come up with a witty simile there). I took this video as evidence:

Be warned though-

 if you haven't 1. ever been pregnant or 2. seen a baby moving in a belly before, this will be an extremely creepy 8 seconds

So for the first time in, well, probably ever, I woke up before 8am on a Saturday morning despite not needing to be anywhere for hours and hours. Apparently this is "good training for parenthood" but this sentiment does not help me feel more positive about the situation in the least. Oh how I love my sleep! Isn't it too early to mourn the loss of it?! 

...Sorry Sean, I know you said that nobody likes a post thats all writing and no pictures. Take it up with your daughter! Truth be told, I actually had a more pictureful post started but the amount of effort it was starting to require was more than I had to give so I abandoned it midway. I'll get back to that one next time so I swear, pictures for your viewing pleasure then :)

8 (!!!) Month Bump

I feel like I say this every month but I seriously can't believe I'm 8 months pregnant! EIGHT! Doesn't that sound so very pregnant?!

Beyond sounding so very pregnant, it also means looking so very pregnant. I can't believe that 1. little bean is thought of as pretty small for 32 weeks old, given how big I feel and 2. that she's going to be cooking in there for TWO MORE MONTHS!!! How?! How in the world is it possible my stomach will stretch two more months worth?! Its getting much harder to pretend that getting her out will be no big deal. I miss a few weeks ago when I really, truly believed that would be the case.

I'm definitely feeling eight months pregnant these days. My belly is contracting all the time which can  be quite uncomfortable. And I'm definitely feeling lower back pain like I've never felt before. And don't even get me started on acid reflux - I sometimes wake up in the middle of the night feeling like the baby is trying to claw her way out through my esophagus.

Still, despite all of that, I'm counting myself lucky. These symptoms come and go so that they typically feel fleeting. And I'm still really enjoying this ride. I love having my girl around all the time, so much so that I worry I'll miss her when she's on the outside! Theres nothing in the world like feeling her flip around and get comfortable and kick her little feet (although sometimes she kicks me so hard I literally yell "ow!"). I like to pat her little feet and bum sometimes, its so cool that I'm starting to be able to know by touch whats what in there.

These days I'm cycling between wanting this time to last forever and being so excited to meet her that it feels impossible to have to wait another 8ish weeks. Depending where I'm at on that continuum I'm either crying with excitement and happiness or crying out of fear. Oh yeah theres a lot of crying happening again. Although I realized that it tends to happen when I've waited too long to eat. As such, planning meal times has become an essential part of my daily functioning- I really can't stand when I get all weepy.

I'm also continuing to slow down and needing more periods of rest than ever before. Today was such a beautiful day I figured it'd be a good idea to take Charlie for a walk to the park. Well between me and my big belly and Charlie and his senior age, the two of us were a real sight. He was panting away and lagging behind while I was gripping my back and waddling along. We both collapsed into exhausted heaps as soon as we walked back in the door. The walk was probably no more than 20 minutes...

Oh the other advancement that happened this week: I had to take out my belly button ring. I didn't think I would mind all that much but I was mistaken. My belly button just looks so wrong without it. It doesn't help that my innie is working its way to an outie but its more than that. I just feel like it looks so clinical, or like a baby's belly button. Check out the picture evidence after the jump:

Hiding Under that New Yorker Facade: Suburbanites.

We had an OB appointment this week where we actually got to hear the results of the ultrasound from the previous week. Happy to report our baby girl is doing in fine in there, just a little bit on the small side. I was told that was okay and too be expected since, "You're probably only 5 feet yourself, right?" I corrected the doctor, proudly telling her that no, I'm actually 5 foot 2. She laughed and said, "Maybe with hairspray." So, an OB with a sense of humor and good news for us - I am relieved all around.

Meanwhile, the other crazy thing that was happening this last month is that we were on a sudden and serious house hunt. It is now official - we are moving out of the city...and pretty soon.

A handful of times now I've been asked, "Do you think you gave Toronto enough of a chance though?" I've only been working in the city since September and we've only lived there since late January, not a lot of time at all, so I understand the question. But I think its the wrong question. Its not that we didn't give Toronto a chance, I think its more that it just doesn't fit our situation given our wish for more space, the location of our jobs, a need for a shorter commute with less traffic (we'll have a baby to get home to!), a want for more options for daycare (i.e. where you don't need to sign up at the moment of conception), and a strong feeling that closer proximity to our only babysitters (thanks in advance, parents!) would be ideal...It was getting harder to justify why it was that we needed to be living in Toronto.

But thats not all of it. The other thing is that it turns out we outgrew city living awhile ago. When we moved from Princeton to New York, I was devastated. And then a strange thing started to happen - I started liking the suburbs. Yes, I hated the commute and all that comes with it but I soon found that working & playing in the city while living in the 'burbs was actually a pretty sweet deal. It was like maintaining my same life but with more room and privacy when inside my own four walls. And while it definitely was a hike to get in and our of New York on weekends, I don't think there was a single event, happy hour, or girls dinner that I missed just because we didn't live downtown anymore. So in thinking about moving out of Toronto, I know it will be the same. Especially given that its SO much more accessible from Oakville than New York is from Princeton! Like, times a bajillion.

 Sean and some great New York friends

There's also that, while I have not at all been in and around Toronto for much time at all, its just not New York. The more time that I'm away from my old home, the more I realize just how much I absolutely loved it and how much it felt like my city.

So I asked myself, given how much I loved it, would I choose it over the suburbs if the situation was the same but we were still living in the NJ/NY area? Well, if you ask me in the early hours of day 1 of a visit there, the answer is definitely yes. But by the end of our trip, the answer is always definitely no. Adult city life is just not for me. As cool as it would be to say, and as much of a sense of entitlement I would get from it, I am just not a lifer when it comes to New York.

That in and of itself is truly why it doesn't matter whether we did or did not give Toronto enough of a chance. Because if I can't picture our life long-term in New York, I certainly am not willing to make sacrifices for any other city! Especially not a city that I don't feel so strongly connected to. With New York the feeling that we fit together was instantaneous. Even as a kid, I was simultaneously terrified by the chaos of it all and enamored with the possibilities that living there could bring. And now after spending 6 years there, I love so very much about it that its hard to put into words.

I love how each area of New York has its own feel, some more personal than others. Like for me, 5th Ave will always be where we spent time with my parents, living a totally different kind of New York life than we did normally (check out the view from lunch at Bergdorfs, for example)

Its not that Toronto too doesnt have its charms, it definitely does. For example, as much as New York is a city filled with people originally from somewhere else, Toronto feels so much more authentically multicultural and I absolutely love that. Then theres the cool neighbourhoods and the possibility of living in an actual house with several floors and multiple bedrooms right in the middle of the city. But I'll let our friends love all of that and more so that we always have people to hang out with in the city and an excuse to be there often :)

Maybe I won't feel this way forever but right now I'm completely content knowing that I'll be raising my little girl in the suburbs while making frequent trips to the city. She's going to know Toronto and what a city is all about, I'll make sure of that, but the 'burbs is where we will lay our heads.

Ha, what timing: was just pressing Publish on this post when Sean sighed loudly and said, "Ah, will you look at that" - he's watching the Yankee game and they just showed an aerial shot of beautiful New York. I hear ya bud, I hear ya.