The 9 Month Bump

Wow what a week or so its been. SO much has been going on. I had my last day at work, we packed up our entire Toronto house, moved to my parents, suffered through a cold, met with the lawyer for our house closing meeting, had an ultrasound appointment, had an OB appointment, Andy visited from Australia (thus requiring two nights out to catch up with Ontario friends), and celebrated Kathryn's bachelorette. Whew! 

In the midst of that tornado, I managed to snap a few iPhone pics of my 9 month belly (sadly the camera was already packed):

 Small you say? Not much different than my 8 month bump? You could be right...

We had an ultrasound this week and an OB appointment two days after that and found out that our baby girl has dropped down from the 25th percentile (the very end of the average range) to around the 15th percentile in terms of her size. The good news is that she is almost 5lbs and I am almost full-term. So, even if she is teeny tiny, she'll likely be alright. The bad news is, I have to go for endless ultrasounds from here on out and if she still isn't growing as she should within the next two weeks, I might have to have her early (i.e. full term but prior to my due date/40 weeks).

I'm feeling pretty okay about all of this despite how scary it can sound. I feel her moving all the time and having her in me I just have this sense that she's alright in there. I feel like I would somehow know if she was in distress... is that delusional thinking? Denial? I'm not certain but it sure does feel better than stressing about it all the time.

Dealing with others' reactions to this update has been a little bit more difficult. I think it may be harder for those on the outside to have the same its going to be alright feeling that I have. Its also been a bit jarring at times when people comment on my smallness, which is often. I'm totally down for most comments, they're obviously coming from a kind place and they are nice to hear (who wants to look as big as a house?), its when people go on and on about it even though I've already said, "yes, I am small because she is a small baby" in a tone that I believe conveys that this is a less than ideal situation. But its totally understandable, we live in a culture where telling someone they look small is a compliment. And I 100% have made size comments to other pregnant women throughout the years with the best intentions so I get it. But like once you've made your comment, please move on - I'm talking to you Pottery Barn cashier ("You hardly look pregnant at all! And I see A LOT of pregnant ladies. Like a LOT! Like every day. And they don't look as small as you").

Also, I do know that my belly is smaller by comparison to many others but its not like its invisible. I mean, check this out:

Thats no ant hill!

Despite all the scary things we had to face at the doctor's this week, what was the hardest to wrap my head around was hearing her say things like, "If your water breaks, call Labour and Delivery. If you start having 4 contractions within one hour, call Labour and Delivery." I nodded along but in my head I was thinking, why are you telling me this lady? Its so unreal to me that 1. we are going to have a baby and 2. we are going to have a baby VERY SOON. I sort of just got used to this whole pregnancy thing! Even as I write this out I don't really believe it. I felt like she was telling me routine things just cuz she has to as a doctor, not because these are things I now need to know now as the main event will ABSOLUTELY, WITHOUT A DOUBT be occurring shortly.

Anyway, month 9 actually started on Tuesday so I've become well acquainted with it by now. I think I may have a skewed version of the experience given that she is such a small baby (thus making things a bit easier overall) but in general I am feeling quite tired, I get out of breath easily, and I've got a definite waddle going on. I've gotten used to sleeping again and have figured out a method that seems to be quite efficient when put to use (i.e. in between one bajilion nightly pee breaks). And I'm still cycling between wanting her to stay in Motel Natalie forever and wanting to meet her immediately. I think I might even actually be more on the wanting her now side of the pendulum if it weren't for our impending move next Sunday. I really want a chance to set up her nursery and some essentials for Sean and I so that I can have my full attention on her once she is indeed here. I have a feeling that as soon as thats done though, I'll be bursting with excitement about meeting her and willing her to come ASAP. As if I have any control over this!

At this point, I'm just so excited about all of it. I can't wait to see what she's like. I can't wait to see what being a mother is all about. I can't wait for the challenge of it and to say things like "This is the hardest thing I've ever done" while also feeling that its the BEST thing I've ever done." I can't wait for Charlie to have a little sister and to see what he's like with her.

And also, I can't wait to see my feet again.