Hi Again!

Wow its been so long since I've posted anything and SO much has happened. Its been an incredibly busy life filled with ups (weight gain!) and downs (a lot more crying!), good weeks (Nicole, Nanny, and Aunt Renee visiting) and bad weeks (burnt my hand + caught a cold) but I've been loving every second of this crazy ride. I mean, how could I not when I have THIS face lookin up at me:

Despite how undeniably cute she is, I still miss using both of my hands on a regular basis. There aren't many hours in the day when I find myself both at home and not holding the baby. This makes blogging very challenging (case in point: this post took me THREE days to finish! and I only have iphotos...), as well as most other tasks. Thank God for family - thanks to my cousin Nicole visiting followed by my mother-in-law Karen and our Aunt Renee, I was able to get so much done last week. And it also helps to have Nonna Christine just down the street. On Monday I went over there to use the fax machine...but also so Nonna could hold Lola while I took a shower! Having extra hands is the best :)

So much has happened since I last updated that I'm finding it difficult to even know where to begin...

Every day is so different, every week is a whole 'nother world. Lola is growing like a weed and getting bigger by the minute. Take a look at the photo evidence:

1 week versus 7 weeks

 Lola came home weighing 5lbs, 9oz and as of yesterday was up to 9lbs, 4oz. Amazing, right? I remember Vanessa blogging about Zac growing when he was an infant and how cool it was that it was all due to nourishment from her. I find myself thinking the same thing - how incredible it is that Lola has packed on the pounds and done so well and yet has never had anything but breastmilk. I find it fascinating and I definitely feel proud of both of us.

Also, lots of people like to make me feel really good about it too. Other people think exclusively breastfeeding is fabulous and treat me like a superstar for doing it. While I love this and am totally up for the compliments, I have to be honest: breastfeeding has been the simpler solution for us. In the middle of the night, there isn't formula to measure or bottles to warm, I don't even have to get out from under the covers for the most part! And when we are out, I always have a meal ready for her. This has made dinners at restaurants possible and running errands less stressful. I mean, breastfeeding has its challenges of course, but the convenience of it can't be beat.

I just hope I can keep it up when I go back to work in January. I've started stockpiling milk already but the way this kid eats, I think I'm going to have to have a TON of milk ready for her. Right now I have 9 frozen bags which have taken me about 2 weeks to produce...and if she goes through 2 bags per feeding and feeds at least 2 times per day while I'll only be able to pump at most 2 bags per work day...well, besides being the weirdest math word problem ever, thats not exactly a recipe for success! Not to mention I plan on using some of that liquid gold during the holidays because after almost ONE YEAR without drinking, I think its about time I had more than one glass of wine in one evening!

We'll see how it goes. I think I'm going to go with the flow as much as possible and try not to force something that isn't working, if thats the case. I'll also have to try not to keep going with it just because I'll feel guilty at how expensive my pump was. Seriously, these things are crraaazzyyyy expensive. Google it, you'll be floored.

Anyway, the other thing thats new is that Lola has started smiling! And I'm not just talking a passive smile as she passes gas, I'm talking a whole face smile while she's lookin right at you. Its enough to melt even the coldest of hearts.

The first time she did it was about two weeks ago. Every night we have the same routine (more on that later), I feed Lola, Sean changes her diaper and puts her into pajamas, then he hands her back to me so I can settle her to sleep. Well on this particular night, Sean finished his job while I was still off doing whatever two-handed task I could accomplish in that brief window of time. So, he and Lola hung out together waiting for me. I found them on the bed with Lola looking up at her daddy with wide eyes and riveted interest. She kept reaching her little hands up to him and brushing his beard. Then, all of a sudden, Lola's face broke out into the sweetest, biggest smile any baby has ever had. Her first social smile!! It was absolutely incredible! So incredible that I didn't even mind that it was at Sean and not at me aka the face she sees 98% of the time, the source of all of her food, the changer of the majority of her diapers, and the sacrificer of all alcoholic beverages.

 Since then, Lola has been smiling a lot. Not at me, of course, but at many others. Until this week! On Monday morning, I got so many smiles out of my baby girl, I almost thought I was imagining it. It was magical and if its possible that I could begin to love her even more than I already did, well that certainly did it.

The other thing that's new is that Lola is sleeping like a champ even more than before. During the day she is fussy, mostly refuses to be put down, cries a lot, and is a real handful. But at night...she makes up for it big time.

Before you new moms out there go ahead and throw that evil eye out at us, know that I know we are EXTREMELY lucky and that Lola has made this whole process very easy for us. Let me also preface this by saying that I have been absolutely militant (the only word to describe it) about Lola's sleep. Although I've had mixed feelings about going back to work so quickly, the idea of it has been the greatest motivator in terms of getting Lola to develop healthy sleep habits. Even in her first week, we've had a sleep routine. It starts with Lola's bedtime feeing in a low-lit, quiet room. I am insane with this feeding, basically force feeding her until it is 100% clear that she has absolutely eaten as much as her little body can handle (yet another mommy moment where Lola probably thinks to herself "mommy is crrrraazzyyy"). Then Sean changes her diaper in low light too and changes her outfit. Then he hands her back to me and I massage her little belly and little feet with Bedtime Lotion while I talk to her in a quiet voice about our day, tell her about what exciting things are coming up, or most recently, read her some poems from Where the Sidewalk Ends. Then we rock her a little, put her in her bassinet, turn her sleep sheep on, and pray for a good night.

Some nights, like last night, Lola fights us 'til the bitter end. We started this whole routine at 9pm and Miss Lola didn't go down until 11pm. Most nights though, she's pretty cooperative. Even if she doesn't actually close her eyes for an hour, she mostly stays quiet in her bassinet as she moves from side to side, kicks her legs, and flails her arms. Like her mommy, it takes a long time for Lola to finally settle into sleep. Eventually, she does doze off and as of two weeks ago, I stopped setting my alarm to wake her up every 5 hours. I was endlessly grateful to Sean for encouraging me to stop being so uptight about her night feedings. He sensibly said to me that she's getting older and gaining weight steadily so if she is in need of food, she will wake up on her own and let me know it. So, nervously, I turned off all of my alarms and tried to tell myself he was right. Well, that night, she slept for 5 hours and woke me up a few minutes before my alarm would have gone off anyway - Sean was right. Then, she slept for 6.5 hours. Then it happened again a few nights later. I sheepishly told Adrien and Vanessa this to check if it was medically okay that I was doing this. Vanessa was like, "Natalie! If she sleeps, you let her sleep!" Phew!

So, I became increasingly more comfortable with Lola's long sleep stretches and Lola got used to going longer periods without eating. AND THEN Sunday night, after a long day of lots of crying, Lola passed out cold at 9pm and didn't wake up until 7am the next morning!!! She did it again Monday night and AGAIN last night!!! I'm trying very very very hard not to get my hopes up that this miracle is a permanent situation but ohhhhh its so hard to not want it forever now. I've gotten a taste of what consecutive sleep tastes like and it is goooooood, oh so good!

Beyond how amazing it feels for me, Lola seems to really like her long sleeps too. These past three mornings she has woken up happier than I have ever seen her. She smiles huge smiles and even makes happy ahhgoo noises. Difficulty falling asleep followed by happiness after a good sleep-in? That's definitely my daughter. 

This weekend we have some challenges ahead of us and I hope that it doesn't throw off all of this great progress. First, we are going to a work event for Sean and leaving Lola with Kate. Depending on how late we are there, it could be the first time she goes to sleep without me. Then, early Sunday morning Lola and I are off to Florida. A three hour flight for her first time on an airplane... I'm beyond nervous! We will be in Florida for a few days then Wednesday night we will be heading to Allentown, PA for Thanksgiving. I'm so sad that Sean will be missing out this year but so excited for Lola to experience American Thanksgiving and get to meet more of her family :)

Speaking of family and news, my most favourite little guy turned a very big TWO YEARS OLD last week. Two! Can you believe it?

I can't stop looking at this picture and marveling at how much he has grown and how little I noticed he was SO not a baby anymore. I'm enjoying every second of watching him grow up. He is the sweetest, funniest little guy. I love his big blue expressive eyes and how he's always on the go. I love how much he loves trucks and - the ultimate- school buses, he is such a typical boy! I love how he asks to see Charlie immediately when we Skype and how he knows all of our names so well. The list goes on and on and on and I can't wait to see him in Florida and give him the biggest birthday cuddle.

Wait, if Zac grew up this quickly does that mean the same thing is going to happen to Lola? Oh dear God that can't be right! Surely she will always be a tiny little baby, right?! Suddenly having such little time for two-handed tasks just does not seem so bad at all! But alas, baby is still napping and my stomach is growling so I'm off to eat a sandwich before Lola inevitably hears the beep of the toaster and finds that time to be the most perfect time to require constant holding once again... wish me luck!