Headed Out For One Last Vacation

FYI: We are off to France!

I brought my computer though so I intend to blog from across the pond but given that we won't actually be at our home for the week until tomorrow afternoon, thought I'd post a quick note to say: Sorry for the brief absence but I'll be back soon!

Until then, here's a pic of our sweet life at the moment.

...okay so the champaign is Sean's but I had to include it- we have a lot to celebrate at the moment (which I'll share here soon as ink hits paper, don't wanna jinx anything), not the least of which is Mom's 60th birthday for which this trip is in the name of!

See ya soon, xo

Baby Shower Part One: Allentown, PA

So today was the day: my baby shower in Pennsylvania. Anyone who knows my mother-in-law knows how extremely excited she was about throwing this party for us and the massive amount of work she was putting into making this the event of the century. And boy did she deliver. Between the centerpieces and little details, everything was just beautiful.

(Thank you Nicole for the above picture, I would have never even noticed this sweet little message!)

She really knows me well - shower games were at a minimum and were pure competition, just the way I like it. Then, there was the food which was sooooo good followed by the dessert spread of my dreams i.e. a variety of homemade baked goods (Karen's specialties including peanutbutter cup cookie bites, chocolate chip cookies, banana cake, ricotta cookies...) followed by ice cream sundaes atop a chocolate brownie. The painfully full feeling I had after eating two full desserts was totally and completely worth it.

And it was so so so nice to hang out with my NJ family, who I miss all the time now that we aren't so close by anymore + have my mom there too.

As you can tell from these pictures, Karen, my mother-in-law, is the best. Here she is on the right looking baby-shower-perfect:

Karen had been planning this shower for months and months and really, I think the only hiccup in all of it (besides our request that no one actually bring gifts for us TO the shower) was our (or rather, MY) delay in registering. Much of it had to do with not having a free weekend to get to the stores when we were finally ready to go for it, but the majority of the delay was due to my complete inability to face the daunting task of figuring out what we might need for a baby.

This entire pregnancy has been a real process for me, which I really did not expect. The first hurdle came when it was time to tell others that we had a baby on the way. When I had imagined this pre-pregnancy, I thought, "keep the news to ourselves for a whole 3 months? Impossible!" But reality was much different. I found myself paralyzed whenever it came time to reveal the news. It was the craziest thing and the the first time (of what would be many) this pregnancy where I felt out of control of my body. My heart would speed up, I'd find it suddenly hard to breath, get dizzy...it was crazy. When I told Sam, I literally had to brace myself on the counter to hold myself up.

By week 13, Sean was surfing pintrest, talking nursery themes, and throwing out possible names while I pretty much did the equivalent of putting my fingers in my ears and shaking my head so as not to hear any of it. He finally said to me, "Natalie, this is happening, get on board." So that night, I did. I sent an email to a bunch of friends and made some calls and just like that, everyone knew. But it didn't help the feeling to go away. What finally did it was a few days later when I fully felt my entrance into my second trimester. I woke up one morning feeling more like myself than I had in months, with the exhaustion and constant semi-queasy feeling suddenly abated too. And just like that, everything else also became easier. Not just easier, but normal too. I was into thinking about baby names and nursery looks, wondering if it was a boy or girl, and fantasizing about what he or she might be like once she arrived. What a relief.

However, as a mom-to-be my development was still lagging a bit behind. I had JUST gotten comfortable with being pregnant and though it was as if a switch had been turned on in my brain that let me think about things with excitement rather than crazy neuroticism, I was nowhere near prepared to think about things in a realistic manner. Despite this, I did try. I googled things like "Top Baby Registry Items" or "Essential Baby Supplies" and then quickly closed the screens. Have you ever googled anything similar? It is nothing short of terrifying. And I truly believe that that is not an understatement.

Eventually time ran out. We realized my poor, patient mother-in-law needed to get her invites out in order to get a final count to the baby shower venue and the deadline was fast approaching. And so, while bedridden with the stomach flu for the second time in a six week span, I finally faced the beast (it actually might have been helpful that I was so nauseous (holy moly 'nauseous' is seriously the hardest word ever to spell), nothing seemed to distract me from feeling so terrible like researching registry items did, the weirdest stomach flu medicine ever). Since we had been to Babies-R-Us earlier that day I was armed with their list of needed items as well as several suggestions for key items from our friend Kerrene, an expert in my books given that she was about to have her second baby any minute. It was slow going and still terrifying, but less and less so the more I stuck with it. Though, in retrospect, starting with breastfeeding supplies was probably the most terrible idea. Despite throwing the necessary items up on the registry, I still can't even really think about what breastfeeding will entail...

Anyway, it definitely, definitely helped that Sean was with me on this 100% of the way. If you want to know things about baby merchandise, ask Sean Bailey, the baby merch expert. He now takes pride in being able to correctly identify the brand of any random baby stroller that walks by us. And follow up emails from Kerrene were lifesavers too (thank you, Kerrene!!!). Then toss in the beautiful items available at Pottery Barn Kids and suddenly (Karen I'm sure you do not think "suddenly" is the appropriate word from your perspective), we had our baby registries up and running.

Once we had completed the task, I felt so bad that I had made Karen wait so long. That is, until the gifts started arriving within days of the invites going out. Its one thing to hypothetically think about what you might need for a baby, its a whole 'nother to actually have these items in your possession. Had they come any earlier, I am certain it would have sent me into a tailspin. I am so grateful that Karen allowed us the extra time, it ultimately resulted in my absolute excitement and glee every time a new box arrived rather than anxiety and fear. I felt like I had reached a new developmental milestone in my process of becoming a mother at just the right moment.

It was a long, unexpected road to get to this point but having traveled it, its only made me all that more grateful and appreciative for the excitement and happiness that I now feel daily. It was a wonderful day today celebrating all of this and getting to thank all of our wonderful (American) family and friends in-person for their generosity. We are so very blessed. I truly love love love each and every gift and can't wait to use it all SO soon (3.5 more months ahhhh!!! SO EXCITING). Thank you Karen for such a great day, you are absolutely amazing and the very best mother-in-law a girl could ask for, xoxo.

Exhaustion / Grand Canyon Pics

I have to say, I've had a relatively easy time with this pregnancy so far - in the first trimester I only lost my dinner once or twice, I haven't been gaining weight at an alarming rate, I'm still sleeping on my stomach (God bless the creator of the Tempurpedic (and my extremely generous in-laws for gifting us with one)), and I haven't really had to change my diet at all (nightly chocolate chip cookies are good for the baby, right?). However, although I haven't really had any of the typical complaints, the first trimester was pretty tough on me because I was so so so incredibly TIRED. Like zero energy, would fall asleep in the middle of sentences (...in the middle of sessions, twice), could barely brush my teeth before getting into bed kind of tired. And I was also incredibly moody. Poor Sean, he'd usually get the brunt of it. I'd find myself enraged with him and he would have to patiently refute me as I stated all of what I believed to be completely justified reasons for having such rage. Slowly during this process I would start to feel as if I was having an outer body experience where the outer me could see that I was not in fact mad at him at all but the inner me would continue to hold strong. This too was exhausting as it usually would end in me hysterically sobbing (which to Sean was likely worse than the rage), wailing, "I don't know what is wrong with me!!!"It truly felt like I was momentarily possessed. 

ANYWAY all of that to say that for the last 10 weeks I have been (mostly) gloriously free of such mindbending symptoms and reactions. That is, until this week. For the past two days I have felt just as tired as those early weeks again. I heard that you get very tired in your third trimester and boy I hope that thats not what this is. I'm still 3 weeks away from the final stretch, its too early!!!  I'm hoping that this exhaustion can be remedied by just getting a little extra sleep. As such, not a great deal of time for blogging. And so, I leave you with these random thoughts and some pictures from our visit to the Grand Canyon on our road trip two weeks ago. Enjoy! 

 Hows this for contrast: a bumblebee flying over the canyon

 We went for an almost sunset hike which was much more successful than our Zion hike days later. 

Caught in the act taking selflies, below is the result:

  Our drive to Antelope Canyon the next morning involved driving past this section of the canyon

So yeah, thats' that. Until next time! 

~Six Months~

Well we are six months, or 24 weeks, in and my belly is seemingly growing by the minute. Here is the current state of affairs: 

A week and a half ago in Utah, after sitting poolside (deserted poolside, thank God) in a bikini I suddenly realized just how big I've gotten. I said to Sean, "I know I say this all the time, but I've totally gotten more pregnant all of a sudden." I knew this time I wasn't imagining things as Sean actually agreed with me and said that he had been thinking the very same thing. Little girl Bailey is officially making her presence physically known! 

Originally, the black tank was for the purpose of continuity and comparisons month to month but honestly, lately its more about concealing the bigness of the belly (or at least making it slightly more flattering). But I thought maayyybbeeee I'll be brave tonight and post what it really and truly looks like. Though not so brave that I don't want to hide it just a bit. So, if curious, you can check it out after the jump (Ha! I just said "after the jump"! That is SUCH blogger-talk!). 

Excuse Me While I Post Some Pictures For Awhile...

 Yeah, yeah this blog is supposed to be for baby news, baby updates, baby baby baby... but I can't help but take a break from that for just a sec to post some pictures from our trip. So far, I've only gotten to our first set of pictures from our first day of traveling. Behold: White Sands, New Mexico - 

We flew into El Paso, Texas and drove from there pretty much straight to White Sands, NM. 

Honestly, I wasn't really sure what it was going to be like. All I had to go on was some google images that came up when searching "cool things to see in New Mexico." Since Sean had so readily agreed to flying 6 hours, driving an additional 1.5 hours after that and staying in the middle of nowhere all so that we could check it out, I was reeeallllyyyyy hoping it was going to live up to the hype in my head.

At first it was mostly just a typical New Mexico landscape. And then slowly slowly, we started to see sandbanks in the distance until soon they were on either side of the road:

 Then the road became more and more covered with sand and soon we could hardly see any black pavement at all...

And then before we knew it, it was as if we were on the surface of the moon (if the moon were especially sandy, that is). 

And so out we got to go explore and play in the desert sand. 

Whatdya think? Pretty incredible, isn't it? As our goal for this trip was see some amazing natural wonders in the US, we definitely started our trip off right with this spot.

Well, since you sat through a slew of pictures and were deprived of all things baby Bailey, here are some last pics of the little bean before I head off tonight:

Zion Versus the Bump

We're back! And it was ahhhmazing. Like exceeds expectations ahhhhmazing. I can't wait to edit all the incredible pics and post them here because such beautiful and unique places deserve to be marveled at. I'm still in awe days later of some of the places we visited. I think amongst the most astounding were White Sands, NM and Antelope Canyon in AZ. 

But for tonight, I'm hoping to just quickly write about our experience at Zion National Park. I'll throw up some unedited pictures to illustrate things and try to keep it short. We took the red-eye from Vegas last night and discovered, once again, that Sean and I are not good at sleeping on planes. And then after a quick morning nap it was off to work for me. Thus I am running on approximately 2.5hours of sleep and while I actually feel pretty good (perhaps delusional?), I think my little lady deserves a shot at some Zs tonight.

So, Zion. Oh Zion. Its a place I have been dreaming of for quite some time. Adrien and Vanessa visited this park awhile ago and I remember being awestruck by V's pictures (as I typically am with her photos, but these went beyond the usual for me). Since then, I've heard a lot about it and have oogled many a Facebook post of friends and acquaintances alike who have had the privilege of visiting this beautiful national park in Utah. So, when Sean and I realized we had better 1. Use my vacation days while we still were able to, i.e. before I a) became too pregnant to travel and b) Sean became too gainfully employed to travel and Sean sensibly suggested going somewhere not TOO far away, like perhaps Arizona, I immediately jumped at the chance to of course plan an extensive roadtrip that absolutely had to include Zion as a focal point (when I believe Sean was merely suggesting we spend some time relaxing by a pool in Scotsdale, AZ...by now he's resigned to the fact that that shits just not gonna fly with me, I'm too scared of what we could possibly be missing out by spending an entire vacation in one spot "relaxing").

Yesterday was the day. Hiking gear on, sunscreen aplenty, and two large bottles of water filled up we set off on our journey through Zion. I had originally wanted to do the Angel's Landing hike, but Sean was already hesitant on that plan - Adrien had told us about how he had been nervous at many points throughout the hike due to the many steep portions of the walk. He might have also casually mentioned that he thought many people have  accidentally plunged to their death while on the hike (for the record, Zion states that only 5 people have met this fate on this hike in all the time that the park has been around). Sean, who doesn't love heights, was already hesitant based on that info but also kept asking, "Do you really think a steep, narrow hike in 100 degree weather is a good idea for someone who is pregnant and already prone to being off balance on a good day?" I knew he had a point but I didn't lose hope that somehow it would still work out. In the end, we compromised that we would start our day in the park with a 2 mile trail that started off easy and turned into a "moderate" level trail in its second half. We'd see how we'd do with that and then, maybe just maybe, we could do some of Angel's Landing...

We headed along our trail which was littered with children and elderly people aplenty. So easy, right?! Thats what I was thinking in my head. It was smooth going at first and hardly any incline. Slowly, slowly the path became more narrow and we were climbing up and up more and more. But I'm still good, I'm still good, this is nooooo problem at all!

And then it hit me. Like a ton of bricks. Sean noticed right away and said something to the effect of "You're breathing pretty heavy, everything ok?" Yup, yup everything is fine, lets keep going.

 A little more up the path I asked Sean if perhaps we could take things a bit slower. He of course obliged but I'm sure he knew right then and there I was struggling - my stubborn and determined nature makes it highly unlikely for me to ask to take things slow. It couldn't have been another 5 minutes before I told Sean I needed to rest in the shade for a second. He watched me, probably puzzled, as I made my way through a wet stream to reach a comfortable looking rock safely hidden in the shade. I was suddenly in a frenzy to get myself into a cooler spot. I sat there drinking water for awhile but the the terrible yucky feeling and the pain in my stomach would not subside. By the time Sean joined me on my cool rock, it was all over.

I became overwhelmed with how helpless I felt and suddenly realized I was crying. I felt so defeated. And so out of control of my own self. In my mind, I was just getting started with this hike, with our time at Zion. But in my body, I was completely done. It has only been since I've been pregnant that I've ever in my life felt this way - that my brain feels one way while my body feels totally the other. And then what got me even more was that I became so concerned about the baby. Did I stress her out too much? Was she okay in there? These thoughts of course just made it worse because not only did it make me feel so anxious but it hit me that these kinds of thoughts are the exact kinds of thoughts that I'm going to be having for the rest of my life. From this point forward. Its not just about me anymore, its always going to be about her too. I suppose that's what they call being a parent. Which then led me to my next thought - Oh my God, I'm a parent.

After some time, I regained my composure and got it together. It definitely helped that Sean did not once say, "I told you so." He was wonderful and made me feel so much better just by understanding what I was feeling. Its so nice to know he's becoming a protective parent too, its not just me. I think his ability to grow in this way, often at quicker speeds than I go at, despite not actually being pregnant himself, is astounding. He's going to be such a great father.

And so we headed back down the way we came and were back to the bottom in no time. I tried my hardest to take in the view and the beauty of the park and not dwell on what wasn't.

Despite how absolutely beautiful Zion is, I would be lying if I said this came easy to me. Even writing this is tough. The rational part of my brain knows that I did all that I could do at nearly 6 months pregnant but the other part of me still wishes it could have been different. Luckily, although I had originally thought that Zion would be the grand finale of our trip, the most beautiful place of all, it turns out that it was just one of many incredible sights and experiences this trip. That made it a whole ton easier.

Despite how difficult this was for me, to come to terms with the limits I have now that I'm essentially a body for 2, I think its important to note that I still absolutely love being pregnant and wouldn't change it for the world. I get emotional thinking about what I can't do but at the same time it was really something to experience such a dichotomy between my mind and body. As someone who deals with feelings for a living, it was truly a  learning experience and gave me great insight into what its like to feel so out of control of yourself despite all of your intentions.

Later, Sean and I were discussing what had happened and wondered why it is that pregnancy makes one so susceptible to heat exhaustion and the like. I wondered if it was akin to starting with a half tank of gas as opposed to a full tank (I mean, we were on a road trip, car metaphors seemed most appropriate). Sean said that rather than starting at a half tank, he thought of it as getting less miles per gallon. He then laughed and said, "I'll tell you one thing thats DEFINITELY gotten less miles per gallon lately - that bladder of yours." And with that I was reminded that I did indeed have to pee again and we pulled off at the next exit...

PS mom and dad do you love that I entirely skipped over the part where you told me this is exactly what would happen??