Zion Versus the Bump

We're back! And it was ahhhmazing. Like exceeds expectations ahhhhmazing. I can't wait to edit all the incredible pics and post them here because such beautiful and unique places deserve to be marveled at. I'm still in awe days later of some of the places we visited. I think amongst the most astounding were White Sands, NM and Antelope Canyon in AZ. 

But for tonight, I'm hoping to just quickly write about our experience at Zion National Park. I'll throw up some unedited pictures to illustrate things and try to keep it short. We took the red-eye from Vegas last night and discovered, once again, that Sean and I are not good at sleeping on planes. And then after a quick morning nap it was off to work for me. Thus I am running on approximately 2.5hours of sleep and while I actually feel pretty good (perhaps delusional?), I think my little lady deserves a shot at some Zs tonight.

So, Zion. Oh Zion. Its a place I have been dreaming of for quite some time. Adrien and Vanessa visited this park awhile ago and I remember being awestruck by V's pictures (as I typically am with her photos, but these went beyond the usual for me). Since then, I've heard a lot about it and have oogled many a Facebook post of friends and acquaintances alike who have had the privilege of visiting this beautiful national park in Utah. So, when Sean and I realized we had better 1. Use my vacation days while we still were able to, i.e. before I a) became too pregnant to travel and b) Sean became too gainfully employed to travel and Sean sensibly suggested going somewhere not TOO far away, like perhaps Arizona, I immediately jumped at the chance to of course plan an extensive roadtrip that absolutely had to include Zion as a focal point (when I believe Sean was merely suggesting we spend some time relaxing by a pool in Scotsdale, AZ...by now he's resigned to the fact that that shits just not gonna fly with me, I'm too scared of what we could possibly be missing out by spending an entire vacation in one spot "relaxing").

Yesterday was the day. Hiking gear on, sunscreen aplenty, and two large bottles of water filled up we set off on our journey through Zion. I had originally wanted to do the Angel's Landing hike, but Sean was already hesitant on that plan - Adrien had told us about how he had been nervous at many points throughout the hike due to the many steep portions of the walk. He might have also casually mentioned that he thought many people have  accidentally plunged to their death while on the hike (for the record, Zion states that only 5 people have met this fate on this hike in all the time that the park has been around). Sean, who doesn't love heights, was already hesitant based on that info but also kept asking, "Do you really think a steep, narrow hike in 100 degree weather is a good idea for someone who is pregnant and already prone to being off balance on a good day?" I knew he had a point but I didn't lose hope that somehow it would still work out. In the end, we compromised that we would start our day in the park with a 2 mile trail that started off easy and turned into a "moderate" level trail in its second half. We'd see how we'd do with that and then, maybe just maybe, we could do some of Angel's Landing...

We headed along our trail which was littered with children and elderly people aplenty. So easy, right?! Thats what I was thinking in my head. It was smooth going at first and hardly any incline. Slowly, slowly the path became more narrow and we were climbing up and up more and more. But I'm still good, I'm still good, this is nooooo problem at all!

And then it hit me. Like a ton of bricks. Sean noticed right away and said something to the effect of "You're breathing pretty heavy, everything ok?" Yup, yup everything is fine, lets keep going.

 A little more up the path I asked Sean if perhaps we could take things a bit slower. He of course obliged but I'm sure he knew right then and there I was struggling - my stubborn and determined nature makes it highly unlikely for me to ask to take things slow. It couldn't have been another 5 minutes before I told Sean I needed to rest in the shade for a second. He watched me, probably puzzled, as I made my way through a wet stream to reach a comfortable looking rock safely hidden in the shade. I was suddenly in a frenzy to get myself into a cooler spot. I sat there drinking water for awhile but the the terrible yucky feeling and the pain in my stomach would not subside. By the time Sean joined me on my cool rock, it was all over.

I became overwhelmed with how helpless I felt and suddenly realized I was crying. I felt so defeated. And so out of control of my own self. In my mind, I was just getting started with this hike, with our time at Zion. But in my body, I was completely done. It has only been since I've been pregnant that I've ever in my life felt this way - that my brain feels one way while my body feels totally the other. And then what got me even more was that I became so concerned about the baby. Did I stress her out too much? Was she okay in there? These thoughts of course just made it worse because not only did it make me feel so anxious but it hit me that these kinds of thoughts are the exact kinds of thoughts that I'm going to be having for the rest of my life. From this point forward. Its not just about me anymore, its always going to be about her too. I suppose that's what they call being a parent. Which then led me to my next thought - Oh my God, I'm a parent.

After some time, I regained my composure and got it together. It definitely helped that Sean did not once say, "I told you so." He was wonderful and made me feel so much better just by understanding what I was feeling. Its so nice to know he's becoming a protective parent too, its not just me. I think his ability to grow in this way, often at quicker speeds than I go at, despite not actually being pregnant himself, is astounding. He's going to be such a great father.

And so we headed back down the way we came and were back to the bottom in no time. I tried my hardest to take in the view and the beauty of the park and not dwell on what wasn't.

Despite how absolutely beautiful Zion is, I would be lying if I said this came easy to me. Even writing this is tough. The rational part of my brain knows that I did all that I could do at nearly 6 months pregnant but the other part of me still wishes it could have been different. Luckily, although I had originally thought that Zion would be the grand finale of our trip, the most beautiful place of all, it turns out that it was just one of many incredible sights and experiences this trip. That made it a whole ton easier.

Despite how difficult this was for me, to come to terms with the limits I have now that I'm essentially a body for 2, I think its important to note that I still absolutely love being pregnant and wouldn't change it for the world. I get emotional thinking about what I can't do but at the same time it was really something to experience such a dichotomy between my mind and body. As someone who deals with feelings for a living, it was truly a  learning experience and gave me great insight into what its like to feel so out of control of yourself despite all of your intentions.

Later, Sean and I were discussing what had happened and wondered why it is that pregnancy makes one so susceptible to heat exhaustion and the like. I wondered if it was akin to starting with a half tank of gas as opposed to a full tank (I mean, we were on a road trip, car metaphors seemed most appropriate). Sean said that rather than starting at a half tank, he thought of it as getting less miles per gallon. He then laughed and said, "I'll tell you one thing thats DEFINITELY gotten less miles per gallon lately - that bladder of yours." And with that I was reminded that I did indeed have to pee again and we pulled off at the next exit...

PS mom and dad do you love that I entirely skipped over the part where you told me this is exactly what would happen??