One Month of Lola

Our little Lola bean turned one month old on Friday.

 In some ways it feels like Lola was born just yesterday and in other ways it feels like she has been here forever. I hardly remember what life was like without her around. I remember doing a lot more sleeping though, I definitely remember that (fondly).

Here we are after a restless night with little sleep. 

Lola decided 10:20am was an appropriate time to catch some shut eye for the first time in hours and hours and hours...

But I can't complain. So far Lola has been so great. She's been patient with me as I figure out this whole mothering thing and rarely gives us that hard of a time. Thats not to say she isn't challenging and that its been all smooth sailing. Its certainly been an adjustment and absolutely been incredibly difficult. But when I see that round little face and feel her little hand passively rubbing my arm when I hold her, none of that seems to matter all that much. 

We're still learning a lot about each other and I often wonder what she knows about me so far because I like to think about what I know about her so far...

I know that she is noisy! Sooooo noisy! She makes the cutest little dinosaur noises, like little roars. She smacks her lips very loudly when she's hungry. She makes a squeaky noise as she stretches after a nap. I love all her noises so much, and not just because hearing her means I don't have to neurotically check if she's still breathing (which I do approximately 7 times per night...and thats a conservative estimate). 

I know that she really likes a warm bath. She instantly stops crying once she feels the warm water and her breathing seems to get more even while she soaks. She doesn't even cry when we wash her hair! Lola just sits in the bath with her eyes wide and calmly takes it all in. Watching Sean and I attempt to bathe her is hilarious in contrast. We could learn a thing or two about relaxing during bathtime from our little lady. 

I know that Lola makes the funniest movements. They're all mostly reflexes but its how she looks when she has a reflex and the way she has them that make me laugh. For example, she puts up one of her arms while scowling as if she's saying "ugh, no pictures please!" Her faces are also pretty amusing. She loves to give the ol' stink eye which never ceases to make me laugh. And her pouty face will melt even the coldest of hearts. 

I know that every day with Lola is a different day. Sometimes she sleeps all day, sometimes she screams bloody murder unless she's being held during every second of the day, sometimes its a combo of those two. On some days she spits up so many times I can't keep up (Like today. We've gone through 5 wardrobe changes so far.) while other times she burps immediately after feeding and seemingly digests her meal like an old pro. Sometimes she'll sleep for 4 hours at a time at night while other times I am pulling my hair out waking up what feels like only moments after her last feed.

Still, despite these daily changes, I know that Lola has a calm and relaxed disposition in general. Even when she is crying for hours on end, I know that calm buddha baby is under there somewhere.

I know that Lola is comforted by sounds. This week, we discovered that she loves her Sleep Sheep. Her eyes get heavy the instant we turn it on. We also discovered that we love the Sleep Sheep. Last night Lola had already been asleep for a good hour with no signs of stirring when Sean asked, "did you want to turn on the Sleep Sheep just in case?" I find it puts me to sleep faster than watching netflix on my computer, my tried and true get to sleep method of a decade plus! 

I know that pretty much the instant Lola was born, I have become an emotional wreck of a person. I cry at the drop of a hat - whether tears of joy or sadness. Seriously. In the last two weeks alone I have cried while watching Teen Mom 2 (that poor son of Janelle's, why does no one see how upset he gets when everyone is fighting around him?!), during the opening credits of Marry Me (note: this was the first episode of this show so I had no emotional attachment to any of these characters whatsoever, yet, still, crying), after every single day care tour and nanny interview, after receiving the most thoughtful and generous gift from Andy, while telling Sean how proud I was of him for putting in his first extraordinary long week of work, and the lowest of lows, while watching The Real Housewives of New Jersey (Theresa is really going to jail!). And thats just the short list. 

Finally, I know that this has been one of the hardest, most challenging months of my life and that everything has completely and forever changed since September 24th. But I'm okay with that. I love Lola so unconditionally and, for the most part, get pure joy out of caring for her. When its the hardest, I think about the future and how it will get easier with each passing day, each passing month, each passing year. I think about what Lola will be like as a preschooler, as a ten year old, as a teenager, as a young adult and that motivates me. 

I know we have a hard road and many more challenges ahead of us but we will just have to take it one day at a time and try to soak it all in. Whether it is a hard day or an easy day, one thing is certain: time will fly by. And I don't want to miss a moment. 

PS All professional-looking photos are courtesy of Vanessa :)