"But Most Importantly You Want the Baby to Be Healthy, Right?"

I should preface this post by saying that I had a pretty restless sleep the night before our second trimester ultrasound this week. Every time I get close to a doctors appointment where we'll hear the heartbeat or an ultrasound where we'll see how the baby's developing, I get so incredibly nervous. I try not to imagine all that could go wrong, but my mind just seems to go there on its own. So with these terrible thoughts swimming in my head and a mysterious pain that had developed in my side, we headed into our appointment...

Annoyingly, yet not unexpectedly, Sean was told he had to wait in the waiting room so that the technician could take measurements and do her job and what not, seemingly without the annoying incessant questioning of the anxious husband. At least this is what I suspect is the reason (evidence for this: last time, the technician allowed Sean into the room relatively quickly but only after telling him, "You can come in but you can't say or ask anything while you're there"). I sort of get it but at the same time I find this to be fascinatingly weird and somewhat terrible. If God forbid that baby doesn't appear on the screen or something else terrible is immediately seen - I would want Sean there. The only thing that I can think of that would be worse than experiencing that moment, is experiencing it alone. Also I know its in ME, but its half HIM too - doesn't that count for something?

So there I am, lying down for 45 minutes with not much to do but wait and interpret every click of the keyboard and sniffle from the technician as vital clues to what she is seeing on that screen that she is so selfishly hogging. I read and reread the only sign on the wall: The technician is not able to give you results of the ultrasound. Great. My co-intern at work who I have been lucky enough to go through this process with (she's about a week or two ahead of me in her own pregnancy) said later that day that she finally asked her technician something to the effect of  "Do you even see a live baby in there?" I understand that if something were to be wrong, a doctor would be the appropriate person to inform me of this so that they could fully address all of my questions and concerns but this logical reason does not feel fair at all when your baby is being viewed by someone else and you aren't getting a lick of info about whats being seen. I felt overcome with a parental protectiveness and just wanted to scream, "Hey lady, thats my kid in there, let me in on whats up!"

That being said, my technician did nod when I asked if everything looked okay and also I think gave a slight nod when I asked if the baby's brain was 1. viewable and 2. looking good. And she did sometimes say things like "The baby keeps avoiding the wand, thats why I had to move so quickly just now" which sounds like nothing, but was actually a huge relief. And then when she finally let Sean in, she did give up quite a bit of information.

Behold - our little bean!

She explained to us that the baby was hanging out facing my back (it later turned over to the above position, facing my stomach), and showed us the baby's stomach, kidneys, and bladder. She also pointed out the strong baby bones developing in there, like the spine which was INCREDIBLE, and its long leg bones (both of which can be spotted in the above picture). She noticed we reacted to the baby's  mouth moving and explained that it was making sucking motions, and even mimicked what that might look like (I'll give her extra points for that). Oh  man I could have watched that baby moving around forever.

And then it was showtime - or so we thought. Boy or girl?? Tell us lady!!! She zeroed in on the area of interest and pointed out its bum and the thick umbilical cord tightly wedged between its legs. She spent a great deal of time showing us the artery and veins of the cord while both Sean and I nodded politely but mutually were thinking thats nice, but get on with it. She then started packing up her equipment, wiping the ultrasound goo off my belly, and confirming that we wanted a picture printed. Ummm didn't we miss something?

"Oh, I couldn't tell what the sex was" - technician
"You couldn't look for a few more minutes? Maybe Natalie could stand up for a second so the baby moves again like the last time" - Sean
"No you've already been here an hour, times up." - evil technician
Sean and I's crestfallen faces must have been easily noticed because immediately after she said, "I saw a lot of good things today, that should be more important than knowing the sex. You have a healthy baby, you should be happy."

And here is where I get angry (not to mention how much my anger exponentially grew when she then followed this thought up with, "You'll find out eventually, if you don't get another ultrasounds you'll find out when its born" and "Its your first baby, maybe when you have a second you'll get to find out ahead of time then" and "Its probably too soon to tell anyway" which was the worst thing to say cuz thats just a flat out lie...but I digress). Why is this "healthy baby" thing such a thing? I can't tell you how many times in a week someone reminds me that I should wish for a health baby. Especially in relation to questions about finding out the baby's gender. Someone will ask me, "Do you want a boy or a girl" and we'll discuss the merits of both genders until suddenly the asker will spontaneously state, "but more than anything you should want the baby to be healthy." Weren't we just talking about how girls turn into teenagers who hate you more than boys would but boys might end up with a terrible wife who keeps your grandchildren away from you? Where in this hypothetical, fantastical conversation did I give you the impression that I would sacrifice the health of my baby to obtain a baby with my gender of choice?? And wasn't it YOU that asked in the first place?

If there is one constant in this pregnancy thus far its that not an hour goes by where I haven't had a worry about the wellbeing of my baby cross my mind. I'm definitely an anxious person in general but I do feel that this must be somewhat a normal part of the process. Why, then, do we need others to constantly be reminding us that we should hope for a healthy baby?? Of course we want a healthy baby! Who in their right mind goes around hoping for anything other than this?? I find myself insulted every time its said to me. That my be ridiculous, I know, but I can't help it.

Anyway, the point of this whole long rant is that I beg you to think twice before you utter any words to a pregnant lady about her hopes for the health of her baby. I don't see how its in any way an appropriate thing to say. Of course she is going to agree that she wants a health baby OR if in the case where she is aware of a health issue with the baby, its just going to bring all of that up for her, which is by far worse. There are a million more standard phrases and questions that you get asked as soon as you are pregnant, lets stick to those.

I will happily answer your routine questions all day long, and will do so enthusiastically, despite how many times I have already talked about if it feels like there is an alien inside of me or if I'm worried about never sleeping again. In fact, I do so with pride - its been so incredibly exciting to be on this other side! But please, lets go ahead and assume that the health and wellbeing of my child is always what I'm hoping and praying for. You don't need to check in with me on that.

I wonder if I'll be less touchy about this now that the baby is kicking up a storm in my belly. Theres something about physically feeling it that has put me at more ease this week than ever before. Perhaps its these little movements, that make me absolutely glow with pride, that I'll focus on the next time someone asks me THAT question. Yes, I think that will definitely do the trick.

xo natalie

PS - You might be thinking to yourself, so what, they're going to leave it at that and not find out the sex? Um, does it really sound like me to be told "wait and see" and be totally fine with that? I don't think so. I'll post tomorrow about our mission to have our baby reveal itself and the very exciting results ;)