My Most Favourite Little Dude

I'll be honest. Despite my chosen career as a child psychologist and despite that I am currently in the process of forming a child myself, I'm not exactly the biggest fan of these little creatures.  They kind of freak me out, actually. Its just that they can be so LOUD and messy and chaotic and, and, and. They overwhelm me.

However, I started to notice that if I was seeing a kid for therapy or an assessment, I didn't have quite the same reaction (or impulsive look of horror on my face) - I sort of kind of liked these ones. I started to wonder, is it like what everyone says, that you always like your own kids, even if you don't like anyone else's'? I felt emotionally invested in these little people's wellbeing and with that came smiling and feelings of warmth towards them, so maybe I did have it in me to like children after all. At the very least, I had hope.

And then in November, 2012 my nephew Zachary was born and everything changed. From the second I laid eyes on him I knew that this little boy could do absolutely no wrong. He could be pictured with a face full of food residue (a pet peeve of mine) and I'd probably ooohh and ahhh over it and deem it the sweetest picture of all time. He cried for hours straight (much to the distress of his poor, patient parents) and rather than feel annoyed by the noise pollution, I wanted to stay close and make it better any way that I could. And while you can't pay me to get up even 2 minutes before my alarm goes off in the morning, I found myself skipping a shower and waking up 25 minutes early this week just so that I could hold him and hang out with him before heading off to work. I love this kid so unconditionally and without reservation that I now know, deep in my bones, that I'll love his cousin, my daughter, in exactly the same way. And that gets me so so so very excited.

I mean, it does help that he is, unequivocally, the cutest little boy the world has ever seen. 

It was so nice having him around for two days this week. I could hardly wait to get home at the end of the day and was excited to wake up every morning. And I missed him SO much today! I was already pretty friggin excited about our own baby on the way but my reactions to Zac just heightens that excitement. Of course I worry about what life will be like with no sleep and crazy hormones and what not but I'm also so aware of just how much I will enjoy being a mom to my little girl despite all of this. As Vanessa explained this week, a newborn baby will essentially be ruining your life (to illustrate this point she recalled having to chose between showering and eating in those first few weeks, one or the other, NOT both, no time for that!) but you will love it more than you even knew you were capable of. You will unconditionally love what is ruining your life. I think that's unbelievable beautiful - such a primal, inexplicable, yet universal response. That to me is what its all about. 

I also loved seeing how Sean's relationship with Zac has developed over the last 18 months. Now that he's got fatherhood looming on the horizon, he was hanging out with Z more than ever. I can't even tell you what a great feeling it gives me to hear Zac's heartmelting belly laugh, especially when its in response to something Sean is doing. Exhibit A:

Anyway, I think that's all I have in me for tonight. I was actually going to post some bump pictures (by popular demand, I'm looking at you grandparents-to-be Baileys!) but  I've been having a kind of rough pregnancy day, feeling like I felt in those first few months. It may perhaps just be recovery from the massive Italian feasts (PLURAL!) that we had this week a la Nonna Christine:

              

 Truthfully, I can't say I regret a second of it. But, I think its time I hit the reset button and hope that a long night's sleep will get me back to my second trimester self where pregnancy is just enjoyable and exciting. These last 6 weeks or so really have been so lovely and I am so grateful! I'm looking forward to getting back on track tomorrow :)