I'm kind of fascinated by people's reasons for wanting or not wanting to know the sex of their prospective baby. Its one of my favourite questions that we ask in our assessments with parents of young kids, the reason being that this question along with ones like how the parents chose their child's name can give you some insight into their feelings towards their child even before it was born. I think thats pretty cool, but maybe I'm just a super nerd about this kind of thing.
Anyway, for a long time I just did not get why anyone would NOT want to know. Luckily, Sean was on the same page about that. But then when we were in Kingston a couple of weeks ago visiting our friends Arie & Al and their adorable new little girl, Isla (here is where I would normally insert an awesome picture of the girls - Arie, Isla, ol' roomie Marnie, and I...but I forgot to harass Marnie for a copy, oops), she said not knowing was pretty incredible, actually. Since then, I've heard others corroborate her story, that its an amazing experience to be surprised at the birth, and great motivation during labour. Honestly, I started to waiver a little on my own convictions.
But as soon as that technician lady said sorry no can do, wait until the baby's born to find out, well, that was all I needed to hear before it became an absolute necessity that I know our baby's gender immediately.
Luckily I am blessed with doctors for siblings. Vanessa informed me that there may be an option to get a private ultrasound, we'd just have to shell out some dough to getter' done. By the time it took for us to get from our ultrasound appointment to the front door of my office, we had an appointment booked for the end of the day and a new perspective on an appropriate way to spend $125.
Let me tell you, this ultrasound experience could not have been further from our morning ultrasound. This place was beautiful - like a spa essentially but instead of massages and facials you're offered 3D ultrasounds and a plush bear containing the miraculous sound of your baby's heartbeat. We were asked if we would like to upgrade to the "Bronze Package" (thats how they talk) which included a printed picture of your choosing and 15 additional minutes of screen time with your little one. No thanks, we were there for one reason and one reason only.
We got there a bit early yet were welcomed into the room almost right away. Whats that you say? No 15-20 minute wait amongst people of varying degrees of sickness? We entered a beautiful room equipped with the most comfortable of seating options. I hopped up onto what can only be described as my exam couch which was leather and perfectly curved to maximize both comfort and visibility while Sean settled into his own leather comfy couch right next to me- no waiting at reception for Sean this time. The technician, who was lovely, put on some spa-like music and informed us that we could choose to watch the baby on any of three screens around the room - one being a big flat screen TV mounted on the wall. She then interrupted the sounds of serenity to let us hear a different sort of sweet music: the baby's heartbeat. Then she got to work.
The nice spa/technician lady started pointing out to us various parts of the baby but we were pretty clear that she should just get on with it. "We had an ultrasound this morning," I explained, making us look like crazy people. She happily obliged us (again, the lovely world of private services). It probably took her no more than 5 minutes before she excitedly exclaimed, "Oh, it's a girl!!"
Now as you know, I'm not much of a crier. In a family of Irish folk, I'm like a cold stone amongst a river of tears. But when I heard those words, a giant sob made me unable to say anything at all for quite awhile. For several weeks now Sean and I have both been under the impression that this baby was a girl. Perhaps we were being influenced by so many other people in our lives who predicted this too: my parents, Aunt Renee, Nonna, etc. and I think thats maybe what made it that much more emotional for me. I just kept nodding my head, thinking I knew it. It just confirmed that I already know this baby, I already have such a deep connection to her that to hear that it was a boy instead would have just been wrong. And then I kept thinking that's my daughter. Not 'theres the baby' or 'look how cute IT is' but that's my daughter.
I've had a pretty charmed and spectacular life in my 30 years but this moment might have been one of the greatest I've ever experienced. I feel like in that moment, everything changed for me. I could actually picture our little girl.
Ever since then, I have reveled in using pronouns like she and her. I love every single thing about uttering those words.
I can tell you with certainty, this experience was worth every penny.
Though I do worry, given that the first outfit ever bought for her was designer (a Stella McCartney sleeper, thanks mom!) and our biggest expense for this pregnancy this far was this ultrasound...is this a sign of things to come?!
Ah well, she's worth it.
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